I'm Doin' Pretty Good Thus Far, I Think?

Some time has past since the last blog (about a week or so) and I'm happy to announce that all is well (I think. Sometimes I'm still not sure), but I'm not stressin' so that's a good sign.  Nyasha has found her passion (for now) which is building with lego and k'nex along with building paper airplanes (as shown in a previous blog).  Me, I'm reading, studying, wrapping my head around new ideas (de-schooling) and going with the flow. She is very passionate about her building cars, trucks, helicopters, etc. and I enjoy watching her as she looks at the directions, finds which piece goes where and puts together a perfect model of a hummer for instance. That amazes me, truly it does.

Even though most of the lego and k'nex she's been putting together belongs to our neighbor Kevin, she's not bothered about the fact that she has to give them to him once she puts them together. As a matter of  fact, she's proud of herself when she hands him the finished product and happy that she is able to (do something he can't) and  make him happy too. So, I've decided to invest in some legos for her since she enjoys them so much. That way she can build and re-build as often as she likes. I see this new-found skill as  a precursor to knowing how to follow directions, concentration, creativity, critical thinking, comprehension, math/counting strategic thinking, and so on. Who'da thought learning could be so much fun! I know, I'm silly.

Well, I guess that's about it for now. This Mama is gooooooood!

Learning Happens... Sistah

It's times like these that confirms what I already know, that I have made the right decision to unschool Nyasha. Today is Sauturday and you would think that this is the day to go out and do something like go to the beach, go to the park, go bike riding etc. But Saturday for us is just another day 'cause we get to do those things during the week. We're not limited to the weekend to go out and have fun because she's in school, uh uh, we can have fun everyday of the week. I Love it!!!

So here we are on this beauty-full Saturday on sunny Miami Beach and Nyasha's in the house reading instructions on how to build a paper airplane. Why is she doing that? you ask. Let me explain. My neighbor Kevin is a kid at heart, he builds model cars and boats. But more importantly Kevin likes to have fun. So, he buys toys (mostly things that need to be put together) and some of the models that he has purchased, he has no idea how to put them together, so that's where Nyasha comes in. She loves to put things together (I didn't know that). Well, I didn't know the extent of her passion 'cuz she spent 5 years in school all day long, doing Goddess only knows what, and didn't have time to express it (I digress). Anyway, Kevin has the toys, Nyasha has the know-how, hence, Nyasha is studying the instructions. This afternoon they are putting an airplane together. Nyasha is so excited! Me too!

Learning happens all the time and it usually happens (more often that not) when the child is having fun (I'm gettin' this, I'm slow but I'm sure). I enjoy watching her while she's contemplating what to do next, or which piece goes where, it's really a pleasure to watch. She's very intense during this process so I'm very careful not to disturb. Shhhhhhhhhh!

Gal, It Ain't As Easy As You Think, But It's Worth It

When the Goddess handed me that piece of knowledge I thought I was sure now, sure of what I had to do with this homeschooling and better yet how I was going to handle it. So, I lightened the workload for Nyasha and gave her more activities to do. A couple of my neighbors gave us some assistance also. One of my neighbors did not know I was homeschooling Nyasha when she was presenting us with a wonder-full gift. My neighbor Goldie did and she gave us a beautiful but intricate paint by numbers set of an owl in the forest up in a tree. Another neighbor gave us a professional keyboard that she used to play. She told us it was a hobby of hers that she enjoyed doing but now she wants to pass it on to Nyasha. In addition to the art and music part of the day we go to the Library, the park and Nyasha has dance class on Wednesdays.

"Now, that should do it," so I thought. Even thought I did not want to admit it I still felt stressed and uncomfortable with and in myself. In two days I was looking for results some kind of sign that will show me that she is definitely learning. On top of that she still wasn't happy, she looked just as strained as I did. It's nothing that you would notice, it's a "Mama Thang" you know, Mamas know their children. So doubt came creeping in again (I'm sure it was always there anyway it was just hiding), along with guilt, pity and frustration and I began to freak out shouting: No more t.v. for you! Do your chores! Finish your work or you're not going to dance class! Go to bed! You didn't study your times table again! Get in there and study NOW!!! It was a mess, I looked and sounded ridiculous I'm sure, 'cause when it played back in my head I saw it in all of it's ugliness and stank. All I could feel was shame 'cause I shamed her as well. Even more than that, these are childhood issues I'm dealing with as well (I was shamed as a child), so every time I talk to her in any kind of way except in Love, I overstand that I am standing in fear and not in Love. Fear had consumed me. Panic had set in. I have to fix this.There I go again thinkin' I always gotta be doin' sum'um.

Well M'dear, Now What?

Once I withdrew Nyasha from school, that very next week I went into this homeschooling venture full speed ahead. I began printing out worksheets, making the announcement to my friends and family (not all of them agreed or understood but they didn't verbalize it). I had already made connections with some homeschooling parents on Facebook (I love Facebook I think it's wonder-full), and I was so excited. Since I had already prepared her for the change in our lifestyle she took it pretty well (so I thought).

We began a regime of math, reading, spelling, english science, social studies and writing. We had a schedule that a friend of mine provided for us and we went to work. I was burnt out by the end of the week. Make no mistake, I did overstand that this is a serious undertaking I just wasn't prepared for how taxing it was going to be, no one is really. In most cases (especially with parenting), we just do and learn along the way. So I was being a parent that was teaching. Hmmmm? On top of that I was frustrated, cranky, lost, impatient, demanding, irritable, need I go on?  This don't feel right. What am I doing wrong?  Yet I continued this authoritarian regime thinking that this is the way it should be if she is to learn.

Then I began to notice Nyasha slipping away into another world (she's a Libra so it's easily done), just like she used to do in school (her teachers use to tell me all the time that she would drift away while in class),  when I was explaining something or when she was working on a worksheet.  This can't be right. Why isn't she interested? Why isn't she having fun? What happened to the happy homeschooled child I'm suppose to have? Why isn't she excited about our one on one time we have together? Are the worksheets too difficult? Should we stay in school a little longer? What am I not doing? You ever notice we always think it's something that we are not doing when it is usually something that we are doing. The Goddess Speaks: Sometimes (most times) it's better to do nothing. Stop doing and start being. Yes, that's it! I have been trying to be a teacher to her  when all I need to do is guide her. Learning comes naturally. I'll be me and she'll be she. Easy right?