I've missed coming to the computer and gettin' it all out. I've missed talking to you, sharing with you, being with you. Ya see, I've been goin' through some thangs some good, some not so good, but I have allowed all dem thangs (my problems, challenges, whatevea you wanna call 'em) to keep me away from y'all. I allowed it to stop me from communicating, from givin', from lovin', from bein'. I went into hidin'. What for? I don't know, shame I guess.Or was it pride. I don't know what it was, all I kno' is I really, really missed y'all. I really, really missed ME.
It seemed that I just could not keep my head above water, every time I came up for air I was back down again (stayin' down longer than I wanted to), tryin' to get another breath of air. I felt defeated emotionally, super stress out mentally, and confused spiritually. I began to whine, "why does this have to be so hard?", "why me?", "what have I done to deserve this?" and on and on and on. I whined so much I got tired of hearing myself. Then those friends call that help fuel the fire 'cause they in the same boat they looking for somebody to join their pity party. I join right in tell I had to tell myself "wait a minute, you are where you are because it is where you need to be. There is a lesson to be learned here learn it and move on. The key is learning it. Sometimes we move on before learning the lesson because we don't want to, because the lesson is too hard, too unbearable, too messy. Well, as I learned a long time ago if you don't learn the lesson it will show up again until you have learned it. It shows up in many disguises but it is the same lesson if you look at it closely you will see.
So now I've moved us off the beach back to the mainland with my Mama in the house that I grew up in. I'm still trying' to get adjusted but I am so happy to be here. Though I do miss the water on Miami Beach, on the mainland there are trees and grass, less concrete. Now I can walk barefoot all the time!! My Mom's yard is plush like a golf course only better. The down side is that she fertilizes the grass much too often (for my taste) so I can't roll around in it nor can I plant any food but otherwise I am sooooo lovin' this!! I'm around old friends and neighbors which has a sense of community, the village atmosphere which is great for Nyasha. She loves it here as well. She was excited to move with grandma 'cause she enjoys nature also. Grandma has a big backyard for her to play in and explore. Our next step is to find activities for Nyasha in this area to participate in and also so that she can make new friends before she starts feeling too lonely.
Yeah y'all, I've started all over again. The Universe has given me another chance to do it all over again until I get the lesson, until I don't feel pressure, uncomfortable or unlovable (yeah y'all I got issues) LOL!! I've gotta pass this class 'cause I have failed so many times LOL!! Not only that, well yeah it is that, but I'm also tired of skippin' this class y'all, I gotta face it, I gotta embrace it, so that I can move on with my life.
That's 'bout it for now. Will be chattin' wit y'all real soon.
Infinite Love and Gratitude,